Nothing seems to stick

I keep finding myself overloaded. 

No matter how many times I get to the other side of planning and pushing, feel the burnout, the hopelessness and exhaustion, I still don't learn. The frustration of knowing, every single time, that I should've known better, coupled with knowing, while I'm in the high energy phase of an episode, that it won't end well but I still can't temper myself. It feels like I can look at myself from every single angle and find confirmation that I'm uncontainable.

The medication I've started taking helps with my focus. But I still find my mind wandering when I'm not interested in a task, or not sure exactly what I need to be doing. My brain still goes into overdrive, thinking of all the ways I could do something, all the questions I feel I need to ask, but crippled by how obvious and basic they all must be to anyone who isn't me. And then the worry that, if I ask for the clarity I need, people will think I'm stupid. 

I'm not stupid - I'm generally on the other end of that spectrum - but it's like I just can't get over the starting line. I know I have everything I need to jump over all the hurdles, but I'm frozen before I even begin. How can I begin?